Posts Tagged ‘toddlers’

toddlers are a**holes.

In childfree on September 4, 2015 at 4:31 am


oh, come on. who doesn’t want to read this book? heaven forbid this mother/writer breaks the unspoken rule and lets the real truth about toddlers be known!

baby box.

In childfree on September 3, 2015 at 5:42 pm


this bundle of joy that made you see what love actually is. this sweet little person that made you understand what’s really important in life. this precious clone of yourself that has fulfilled your life’s destiny and is your sole reason for being on the planet.

and you’re looking for legal creative ways to put him in a box for an hour so you can have a little “me time”?

mothers, you can keep trying to sell your story all you like; i’m still not buying.

eat it.

In childfree on August 29, 2015 at 6:31 am

i love instagram. it’s basically my favourite social network so far in history. but earlier today I came across the account mykidcanteatthis and was horrified.


i’ve done my fair share of babysitting. i’ve dined with the pickiest eaters. i am always astounded by the amount of food that parents end up throwing out. i would drive me absolutely bananas.

what crazy, irrational creatures kids are! there’s no reasoning with them. and this is reason #634,258 that i am happily childfree.

it sucks.

In childfree, heh on November 27, 2013 at 6:56 pm

this guy came over yesterday to buy something we had posted online. he was young, engaged, and had a kid. we just met this guy and one of the first things he said was, ‘i have a kid. i’m not going to lie. it sucks.”

well, straight from the donkey’s mouth.

celebrity parenting lessons

In awkward, babies in adult places, manners, new moms on January 7, 2011 at 4:12 pm

10 lessons we learned from celebrity parents in 2010.

where do i start with this?

are we really looking to celebrities to tell us* how to parent? or make justifications for particular decisions or actions that might be questionable? *by us i mean our childbearing friends and family. i am not included in that category.

1. toddlers can be fashionistas too

no. no they can’t. you can spend outrageous amounts of $$ to buy big name labels that they’ll be able to wear for about 3 weeks until a) they grow out of it b) it gets too stained to make any kind of fashion statement or c) it’s no longer fashionable. ballroom dancing shoes for kids? clearly i’ve already wasted my time reading this thing.

2. your calls may be recorded

referencing mel gibson and his famous rant, let this be a lesson to all those thinking about childbearing. choose your mate wisely. once you have a kid you’re stuck together for life.

3. watch your spouse (and their tapes)

what kind of lesson are we supposed to learn here? sex tapes? just don’t do it.

4. single moms kick ass

this seems to be one of those those things that becomes a mantra to single moms. i’ve yet to see a study that says raising a child in a single family home is optimal. kids need stability, role models and support. as a parent it’s your sole job to provide that. if you can’t then don’t even consider lifting up your skirt.

5. celeb kids can have careers too

that’s the spirit. look how well it turned out for tracy gold. or lindsay lohan. and what is that girl wearing???

6. accept your children for who they are

well that’s an idea. thank goodness for ‘cher’s daughter’s gender transition’. up until then i just had no idea what kind of response was appropriate. the saintly celebs light the way for the rest of us.

7. don’t stress the baby weight

the picture here is of padma lakshmi apparently with 15 pounds of baby weight. i’m not one of those girls who sits around groaning when skinny girls complain about how fat they are. i’m a skinny girl. i’m just saying, this woman looks incredible. always. let’s be real people here!

8. silly bandz aren’t just for kids

well thank goodness. why should they have all the fun? let’s all buy ridiculous animal-shaped pieces of silicon so we can throw them out in a month or two.

9. give and give and give

judging by the twitter and facebook accounts of parents i know, there’s not a whole lot left to give. good for you if you can afford a nanny so you can go traveling the world, donating your time and money to philanthropic efforts. kudos. but in the real life, how about we just settle for “i’m going to make time to see my friends once a month for the next while.”

10. breastfeeding is the buzz word

buzz buzz buzz. nobody’s stopping you. get over it.


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