what is wrong with the people? has the world gone mad???
babies in restaurants, i’m sure, is a topic i’ve covered before on this blog. and if i haven’t, well, then i’m guilty of a monstrous error of omission.
i know that parents always say, ‘never judge us until you’ve been through it yourself.’ i’m here to tell you today that i will never, ever, at any point in my life, feel that it’s ok to change a diaper in a restaurant, on the booth seat, on the table, or even on the floor anywhere near where food is consumed. if that’s what you want to do in the privacy of your house, fine. just don’t invite me over to eat. at what point to these perfectly respectable humans, raised by their parents and grandparents (now probably rolling over in their graves) to have grace and dignity, suddenly find themselves thinking, ‘hey – you know what? the bathroom’s too dirty for my little precious. i think i’ll change his little bumbum right here beside all of these other diners.’
i’m here to tell parents to wake up:
- your kids waste stinks to other people (even if you’re too whacked out by hormones to think so).
- it’s not hygienic – pee is pee, poo is poo (i’m sorry for being crass here). i don’t want to come in contact with it and i certainly don’t want to develop any food-borne illness from your baby’s dung on my seat.
- privates are private. i don’t want to watch some toddler running around my table in all his free-spirited glory. i would like to go out for a meal and enjoy the food, some scintillating conversation, and a relaxing atmosphere.
- this goes for restaurants. but it also goes for airplanes, food courts, libraries, pretty much any public surface that isn’t going to regularly disinfected.
and another thing for the new moms.
i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again. new moms – don’t stand there and look around for praise all the time every single time your kid looks around. i see this wherever i go. the baby makes a cute noise and the mom looks at me with an expression saying, ‘oh he’s so precious – why are you cooing yet?’ because i’m not going to, that’s why. if i wanted my own warm little 9lb entertainment center i’d go and make one for myself (it’s not like it’s that hard to do). i’m never going to be one of the crowd gathered around to see what ghastly noise is going to escape your precious one next. and on the airplane, when i’m sitting behind your new family, i certainly don’t want to star at your kid because he thinks it’s funny to play peekaboo over the top of the seat. in fact, i find it obnoxious and distracting from the work i usually love having the time to do when i’m travelling. is it so wrong to ask you to ask your kid to stop staring at me?
people come down on me all the time and say i’m a baby hater. i’m not. in fact, i probably treat babies and kids with more respect than a lot of parents ever will. you know why? because i treat them like people. with all of the rights that go along with that (right to privacy at bathroom time being one of those rights). i think that everyone deserves to be treated with dignity. i can’t even remember the last time i took a dump in the booth at mcdonalds.
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on another note, i’m back. i’ve been pining to updating this blog for so long. it’s been a busy few months with lots of changes. i hope you haven’t given up on me, or worse, thought i’d changed my mind about this childfree stuff. it’s a relief to finally be getting my rant back on. thanks for your patience!