Posts Tagged ‘family’

three showers too many.

In awkward, childfree, heh, new moms on October 30, 2013 at 4:06 am

i received the following email from a reader:

I’m married for 6 years, my wife and I have been together for 10 and one of the things that brought us together was the fact that we definitely do not want children and in fact go out of our way to avoid them. Your readers, I’m sure, are of the same mind as you and I so I won’t go into the specifics of exactly what makes the little buggers so loathsome.

My younger brother and his wife are about to have their first sometime in January, I think. These two are outwardly very nice and successful people, but they are very sheltered. His wife grew up wanting for nothing, and my father (who’s divorced from my mother) spoils them rotten. They have an apartment in Manhattan they couldn’t possibly afford on their own. So the arrival of their baby was, of course, greeted as nothing short of a minor miracle between the two families.

As the curmudgeonly oldest son, I’ve dealt with the family and society’s consequences of choosing to be child-free, and my wife and I are secure in our choices and recognize the good and the bad. However, we never really expected to have someone else’s child impact us as now we’re all but ignored by our family, who are all in on this thing, so much so that the mother is having three separate baby showers in two months, in three different states. Needless to say, I’ll choose one to attend and leave as early as I can.

first of all, my condolences. really. good luck. i hope you don’t have to play (or even witness) a rousing game of ‘what’s in the diaper?

second, congratulations on finding a quality lady. let me assure you, we’re few and far between…

as a proud auntie, let me promise you that the fun is just beginning with the showers. do you live near the elated couple? just wait until the babysitting requests roll in. or the birthday party invitations. or the christmas cards or the stories of baby’s first haircut, baby’s first steps, baby’s first potty… and wait’ll they offer you a chance to hold the little miracle; heaven help you if you decline!

i know the pain of being ignored in favour of the siblings with kids. they’re more fun at holidays, on the weekends, apparently all of the time. my siblings often get together for playdates and don’t even consider inviting me (it’s a mixed blessing). but it is easy to feel a little left out of the family now and then. most of the time, though, i’m thankful for the reprieve.

good luck, my friend. if nothing else, this experience will help you enjoy your sound life choices that much more…

question for you.

In childfree on October 8, 2013 at 4:27 am

ok, it’s honesty hour up in here.

so do you judge women who have several (more than 2 or 3) kids? because i kind of do.

i don’t know why… maybe it’s because of articles like this that hint that only less educated women are having larger families these days. or maybe it’s because for whatever reason, i kind of feel like they must have nothing else going on for them so they might as well keep busy somehow…

why bring this up, you ask? well, because i hate being judged for not having kids. and so i don’t want to be just as bad for judging those who have an excess of them.

bathroom dance.

In babies in adult places, childfree, heh, manners on October 6, 2013 at 8:09 am

one of my favourite things about big events and celebrations:

the bathroom lineups. i’ve met some pretty interesting people and had some fascinating conversations in them.

one of my least favourite things about bathroom lineups:

families who all go in together.

i know, if they all went in individually they’d probably take twice as long. but here i was standing in line thinking it wouldn’t be that bad. there was one man in front of me. i can deal with that. except that as soon as the bathroom was available his wife and 3 kids plus another baby swooped in from nowhere.

let me add that up for you.

2 adults + 3 kids + 1 baby = 6 people!

the kids i can understand – they were toddlers, too young to stand in line on their own. but then i heard her say, ‘i’ll just change the baby on the floor in there…’ that’s just gross.


In awkward, childfree, heh on October 2, 2013 at 3:53 pm

oh wow! has it really been nearly a year since i’ve blogged here? what can i say – things have been good. but upon grocery shopping last night, i was reminded again why i don’t want to have kids.

i know what you’re thinking.

but it wasn’t kids screaming in the aisle because their mom didn’t buy the cookies they wanted. and it wasn’t a kid pushing around a mini ‘shopper in training’ buggy, ramming everyone’s ankles. no, it was even better than that.

this girl was around 10 or 11, shopping with her mom and little sister. she was quite obviously disinterested and far too cool to be out running errands with her family. i usually ignore these kinds of families, but i noticed this girl right off the bat. i thought maybe she just had unfortunate features, until i realised she was doing duckface. like full on. on purpose. except she wasn’t in her bathroom and she wasn’t busy taking selfies.

ok, so you’re probably thinking, ‘oh, come on, bootsy. give the girl with the bad lip luck a break.’

but i know she was putting it on because she stopped doing it for a few minutes while she thought no one was looking.

and here’s where it comes back to the who kids/no kids issue:

kids do dumb stuff all the time, and as a parent you just basically have to put up with it and let them figure out for themselves if it defines them or not. but how do you deal with duckface? and not occasional, ruining a family picture here and there kind of duckface, but persistent, long-lasting, wearing through thick and thin duckface? seriously. come on.

rock juice.

In childfree on December 17, 2011 at 4:03 pm

i’m so mad i could make rock juice.

why do people who have kids think that everyone else in the world should make sacrifices and miss out on things in order to accommodate people who have kids? i’m talking about christmas here. my absolute, hands-down, most favourite, incredibly special time of the year. there’s nothing better in the world for me than the entire christmas season and all of the special events and traditions that go with it.

i’m sick to death of hearing about how:

  1. people without kids just can’t understand how magical christmas can be until we experience christmas as a family (as if my husband and i don’t qualify as a family)
  2. people who don’t have kids should be the ones to work on christmas or christmas eve or any other special day or time that people with kids are apparently so much more capable or enjoying.

i was talking with my sister who is a server at a restaurant. she has kids. she refused to work the evening shift on christmas eve so she can be at home with her family to do the traditional christmas eve activites (hanging stockings, writing letters to santa, playing games, general seasonal merriment). that’s fair. i think that people who work should absolutely be able to reserve the right to take the days off that are important to them (i, for one, have never yet worked on my birthday). the server who as supposed to work the evening shift put her foot down and refused – because no one wants to work on christmas eve. but my sister went on a rant about how the girl (who is young and who doesn’t have kids) should have to work. because she doesn’t have a family.

look. everyone has a family. whether it’s a boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife, or even a group of close friends. traditions are just that – traditions. just because someone has chosen not to have kids in no way means that they have any less right to enjoy holidays, or that said holidays are in any way less special or meaningful or important to those people.

i’ve chosen not to have kids. childfree for life, yo. straight up.

i’ve made this choice because, well, i just don’t want to have kids. full stop. but part of that reason is that i like to enjoy special times and things with friends and my husband and the people close to me in my own way that makes sense to me. does that mean that christmas, my absolute, hands-down, most favourite, incredibly special time of the year isn’t actually special for me? am i mistaken? have my rights to all holiday merriment been taken away?

nicely put, xkcd.

In childfree on September 3, 2011 at 4:21 am

kids vs childfree

my new favourite twitter hashtag.

In about me, childfree on June 22, 2011 at 5:16 pm


as in:

  • loving saturday drinks on the patio #teamnokids
  • stayed up late finishing a book. got to sleep it off this morning #teamnokids
  • sailing. #teamnokids
  • just washed my hair – now i’m going to lie around & do my nails while i watch madmen until bed. #teamnokids
  • beach picnics are so easy – i don’t have to spend an hour packing up & tracking down socks before i leave. #teamnokids
  • i feel like going out for a bike ride. hm. i think i will. #teamnokids


try it out for yourself. it feels pretty good.



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