- my house
- dinner dates
- liquor stores
- anywhere around where i am
- living in condominiums
- the gym
- public swimming pools
- restaurant tabletops
- luggage carousels
- grocery store checkout belts
- long bus rides
- wedding ceremonies
- events where there is a speaker
- the spa
- book club
- girls night
- pool halls
- beach resorts
- tanning salon
- hair salon
Posts Tagged ‘crying’
well, i just can’t seem to stop myself.
someone posts baby shower pictures on facebook and i just have to take a look, never mind the fact that i’ve sworn off attending them.
i’ve told my friends and family that they should never be disappointed to see me at one. i’ll buy them a gift (begrudgingly) but i just can’t face it.
- what’s in the diaper? the oh-so-delicious game of guessing what kind of chocolate bar is semi melted into a disposable diaper. this game is repulsive on so many levels. let me count the ways: a) disposables wreak havoc on the environment. if you have to use them, does it really have to be for a stupid party game? b) maybe you think it’s funny to see other people doing what you do all day, but i don’t. and c) i don’t even eat chocolate bars use microwaves, for pete’s sakes. how the heck am i supposed to recognize this??
yes, this girl is actually tasting it.
- pass the baby – i, for one, am all for baby showers that preempt the baby. i don’t want to hold it. i don’t want to deal with the mom after i’ve said that i don’t want to hold it, i’m not going to say how cute it is. i don’t even want to look at it, smell it, or listen to it. and i certainly don’t have anything to say to it, nor do i want a keepsake photo of me with it.
- stop the crying – this seems to be a theme at showers when the baby is present. all the cackling women make the baby start crying with all their chatter. then it seems to be a contest to decide the most motherly. who can make the baby stop crying? they pass it around for far too long, saying, ‘oh let me try,’ or, ‘oh it just needs this.’ what it needs, dumbasses, is its mom. that’s why it’s crying.
- all those women – really. i’m happy i’m a woman but to be around a whole gaggle of them for an afternoon just about kills me. talk about exhausting.
- games – i can’t fold baby sock the fastest. i don’t even fold my own socks. why would i fold someone else’s? i’ve already mentioned the diaper game. what else. it seems i’ve (thankfully) blocked the rest out of memory.
so if you’re a friend of mine, and you’re planning on getting pregnant, don’t expect me to make an exception for you because we’ve know each other for ever. and i’ll never go to an awkward coworker baby shower. the worst kind of all. there’s just no accounting for taste. or parenting styles.
have you ever played any appalling baby shower games? or been forced to hold someone’s baby? share your story with me. please! let me know i’m not the only one…
*for the record: the photo is courtesy of facebook and lax profile privacy settings. if this is you in the photo and you find it utterly offensive just let me know and i’ll happily remove it.*