Posts Tagged ‘baby shower’

my brother from another mother.

In childfree on September 30, 2014 at 5:32 pm

i’ve always loved the oatmeal. but lately i’ve realised just how much.

the oatmeal - baby shower

it isn’t too often, but now and then he throws out a gem for those of us who just don’t want to hold other people’s babies, those who frequently run into mothers who just can’t understand why we wouldn’t want one of our own, and those who know the grim reality of life after babies.

so thank you, matthew inman, for sharing my thoughts in a way i never could without getting a dirty diaper in the face. you’re all right.

three showers too many.

In awkward, childfree, heh, new moms on October 30, 2013 at 4:06 am

i received the following email from a reader:

I’m married for 6 years, my wife and I have been together for 10 and one of the things that brought us together was the fact that we definitely do not want children and in fact go out of our way to avoid them. Your readers, I’m sure, are of the same mind as you and I so I won’t go into the specifics of exactly what makes the little buggers so loathsome.

My younger brother and his wife are about to have their first sometime in January, I think. These two are outwardly very nice and successful people, but they are very sheltered. His wife grew up wanting for nothing, and my father (who’s divorced from my mother) spoils them rotten. They have an apartment in Manhattan they couldn’t possibly afford on their own. So the arrival of their baby was, of course, greeted as nothing short of a minor miracle between the two families.

As the curmudgeonly oldest son, I’ve dealt with the family and society’s consequences of choosing to be child-free, and my wife and I are secure in our choices and recognize the good and the bad. However, we never really expected to have someone else’s child impact us as now we’re all but ignored by our family, who are all in on this thing, so much so that the mother is having three separate baby showers in two months, in three different states. Needless to say, I’ll choose one to attend and leave as early as I can.

first of all, my condolences. really. good luck. i hope you don’t have to play (or even witness) a rousing game of ‘what’s in the diaper?

second, congratulations on finding a quality lady. let me assure you, we’re few and far between…

as a proud auntie, let me promise you that the fun is just beginning with the showers. do you live near the elated couple? just wait until the babysitting requests roll in. or the birthday party invitations. or the christmas cards or the stories of baby’s first haircut, baby’s first steps, baby’s first potty… and wait’ll they offer you a chance to hold the little miracle; heaven help you if you decline!

i know the pain of being ignored in favour of the siblings with kids. they’re more fun at holidays, on the weekends, apparently all of the time. my siblings often get together for playdates and don’t even consider inviting me (it’s a mixed blessing). but it is easy to feel a little left out of the family now and then. most of the time, though, i’m thankful for the reprieve.

good luck, my friend. if nothing else, this experience will help you enjoy your sound life choices that much more…

in the news.

In babies in adult places, baby names, childfree, manners, new moms on January 15, 2012 at 10:35 am

i’ve come across various articles lately and put them aside to comment on later. now it’s later. i decided to compile them into one blog post for your reading pleasure.

the Baytown Symphony Orchestra recently asked parents not to bring their children to performances. i’m torn on this subject. i think it’s incredibly important to expose children to cultural events at a young age. i attended many symphonies and ballets as a young child, and loved it. however, many parents do not have the sense to gauge whether or not their kids will behave appropriately. i’ve been to too many performances when the parents and children whisper throughout the performances and the kid needs to sit on their own seat, and then on their parents’ laps, and then back on their own seat, and the go to the bathroom before the intermission… i can certainly  appreciate this ‘no minors’ stance. that is, after all, what matinees and special children’s concert series are for.

i’ve been known to have a strong opinion about the names parents are giving their children. i have to say i like this trend of naming children no after yourself or your grandparents. that is, of course, no need to give them a name that doesn’t belong to anyone else on the planet (read on to the next article…)

1. i can’t believe that weaponry has become a naming trend. didn’t guns used to be named after the men who invented them? 2. video game names? oh no. imagine if that had been the case when we were kids? how many luigis there would be today! 3. typographical symbols? no. the poor kid is going to have to spell his/her name every single time they talk to anyone. on the plus side, unique names would make for easier securing of their domain name.

i’m not sure what all the fuss is about here. i grew up watching sesame street and don’t remember a single instance of any babies eating anything on the show. what i do remember? big bird, oscar and slimey the worm. these are the exciting, not-so-everyday things that will make an impact on kids. i do agree that breastfeeding, when possible, is always best for the baby’s health – but why is this a hot topic for sesame street? i think what i’m lacking here is context – maybe i need to watch a couple of episodes.

here are some of the public’s reactions to facebook’s response to pictures of breastfeeding. unless i’m wrong, facebook has changed it’s policy around reporting inappropriate content. they’re trying to aim more for community and if you want to report something, unless it’s spam, they make you either unfriend the person or tell them yourself that it’s offensive. perhaps this whole brewhaha happened before this policy change. whatever the case, someone, somewhere didn’t appreciate having gigantic boob appearing in their news feed. and this is exactly why i tend to block people from  my news feed (without having the awkward unfriending conversation) pretty much as soon as they get pregnant. because i know stuff like this is inevitable and i know that i don’t want to see or hear about it. and let’s be frank – if you’re going to use facebook, a free service, you have to comply with their terms. if you don’t like it, go find a different social network, or create your own. just as they can shut down your account with no explanation and no chance of you ever reclaiming it, they can moderate what type of content you’re posting. user beware.

it’s as one reader states: i can’t afford a cat so i’m not going to go out and get one, expecting the government to pay for it. very little planning seems to go into having kids. i feel like i do a lot more life planning than any of my child-bearing friends. and i don’t get anything for it from the government. there’s no congratulatory, hey-good-for-you-for-making-responsible-life-decisions monthly payment or tax breaks.

ah, the best for last. i’ve long sworn off attending any baby showers whatsoever. so when i read this article i nearly flipped my lid. ok, i actually did flip (just a little). so now it’s not bad enough that we have to be awed by the woman’s gigantic belly and pregnancy tales, now we have to endure passing the ultrasound pictures around over dinner? and what if one of your best friends asked you to attend this ultrasound viewing? what would you say? (oh, i think i have a work thing that afternoon…) what also concerns me is the author’s question: ‘does this escalate the thinking held by some that a foetus should have a life of its own before birth and, therefore, have rights of its own?’ in terms of women’s reproductive rights and freedoms. if these foetuses are being viewed as individuals with rights, where does that lead the pro-choice debate?

pass on the shower – i’ll take a bath instead.

In about me, awkward, new moms on January 14, 2011 at 8:08 pm

well, i just can’t seem to stop myself.

someone posts baby shower pictures on facebook and i just have to take a look, never mind the fact that i’ve sworn off attending them.

i’ve told my friends and family that they should never be disappointed to see me at one. i’ll buy them a gift (begrudgingly) but i just can’t face it.

here’s why:

  • what’s in the diaper? the oh-so-delicious game of guessing what kind of chocolate bar is semi melted into a disposable diaper. this game is repulsive on so many levels. let me count the ways: a) disposables wreak havoc on the environment. if you have to use them, does it really have to be for a stupid party game? b) maybe you think it’s funny to see other people doing what you do all day, but i don’t. and c) i don’t even eat chocolate bars use microwaves, for pete’s sakes. how the heck am i supposed to recognize this??

baby shower diaper game

yes, this girl is actually tasting it.

  • pass the baby – i, for one, am all for baby showers that preempt the baby. i don’t want to hold it. i don’t want to deal with the mom after i’ve said that i don’t want to hold it, i’m not going to say how cute it is. i don’t even want to look at it, smell it, or listen to it. and i certainly don’t have anything to say to it, nor do i want a keepsake photo of me with it.
  • stop the crying – this seems to be a theme at showers when the baby is present. all the cackling women make the baby start crying with all their chatter. then it seems to be a contest to decide the most motherly. who can make the baby stop crying? they pass it around for far too long, saying, ‘oh let me try,’ or, ‘oh it just needs this.’ what it needs, dumbasses, is its mom. that’s why it’s crying.
  • all those women – really. i’m happy i’m a woman but to be around a whole gaggle of them for an afternoon just about kills me. talk about exhausting.
  • games – i can’t fold baby sock the fastest. i don’t even fold my own socks. why would i fold someone else’s? i’ve already mentioned the diaper game. what else. it seems i’ve (thankfully) blocked the rest out of memory.

so if you’re a friend of mine, and you’re planning on getting pregnant, don’t expect me to make an exception for you because we’ve know each other for ever. and i’ll never go to an awkward coworker baby shower. the worst kind of all. there’s just no accounting for taste. or parenting styles.

have you ever played any appalling baby shower games? or been forced to hold someone’s baby? share your story with me. please! let me know i’m not the only one…

*for the record: the photo is courtesy of facebook and lax profile privacy settings. if this is you in the photo and you find it utterly offensive just let me know and i’ll happily remove it.*


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