bootsy

Posts Tagged ‘team no kids’

#momconfessions = mega depressing.

In childfree, heh, lessons learned, new moms on October 1, 2014 at 3:35 pm

i’ve written about the dirty little secrets of motherhood before on this blog, but lg recently brought the plight of depressing motherhood reality to light with its campaign, #momconfessions.

momconfessions

so you know every mother who tries to talk you into having kids of your own? you know, the ones who say trite things like, ‘you’ll never know real love until you have one of your own,’ or, ‘it’s the best thing i’ve ever experienced!’? this campaign is here to prove them wrong. as if we needed it. do not ever believe them as long as you live. the things these mothers say are some of the most depressing things you may ever hear (go ahead… fill your boots. but don’t say i didn’t warn you…).

i find this one the saddest of all (quite frankly, it breaks my heart):

mom confessions

my brother from another mother.

In childfree on September 30, 2014 at 5:32 pm

i’ve always loved the oatmeal. but lately i’ve realised just how much.

the oatmeal - baby shower

it isn’t too often, but now and then he throws out a gem for those of us who just don’t want to hold other people’s babies, those who frequently run into mothers who just can’t understand why we wouldn’t want one of our own, and those who know the grim reality of life after babies.

so thank you, matthew inman, for sharing my thoughts in a way i never could without getting a dirty diaper in the face. you’re all right.

three showers too many.

In awkward, childfree, heh, new moms on October 30, 2013 at 4:06 am

i received the following email from a reader:

I’m married for 6 years, my wife and I have been together for 10 and one of the things that brought us together was the fact that we definitely do not want children and in fact go out of our way to avoid them. Your readers, I’m sure, are of the same mind as you and I so I won’t go into the specifics of exactly what makes the little buggers so loathsome.

My younger brother and his wife are about to have their first sometime in January, I think. These two are outwardly very nice and successful people, but they are very sheltered. His wife grew up wanting for nothing, and my father (who’s divorced from my mother) spoils them rotten. They have an apartment in Manhattan they couldn’t possibly afford on their own. So the arrival of their baby was, of course, greeted as nothing short of a minor miracle between the two families.

As the curmudgeonly oldest son, I’ve dealt with the family and society’s consequences of choosing to be child-free, and my wife and I are secure in our choices and recognize the good and the bad. However, we never really expected to have someone else’s child impact us as now we’re all but ignored by our family, who are all in on this thing, so much so that the mother is having three separate baby showers in two months, in three different states. Needless to say, I’ll choose one to attend and leave as early as I can.

first of all, my condolences. really. good luck. i hope you don’t have to play (or even witness) a rousing game of ‘what’s in the diaper?

second, congratulations on finding a quality lady. let me assure you, we’re few and far between…

as a proud auntie, let me promise you that the fun is just beginning with the showers. do you live near the elated couple? just wait until the babysitting requests roll in. or the birthday party invitations. or the christmas cards or the stories of baby’s first haircut, baby’s first steps, baby’s first potty… and wait’ll they offer you a chance to hold the little miracle; heaven help you if you decline!

i know the pain of being ignored in favour of the siblings with kids. they’re more fun at holidays, on the weekends, apparently all of the time. my siblings often get together for playdates and don’t even consider inviting me (it’s a mixed blessing). but it is easy to feel a little left out of the family now and then. most of the time, though, i’m thankful for the reprieve.

good luck, my friend. if nothing else, this experience will help you enjoy your sound life choices that much more…

places babies don’t belong.

In awkward, babies in adult places, childfree, manners, new moms on October 4, 2013 at 3:08 am

  • workshops
  • pubs
  • work
  • my house
  • dinner dates
  • liquor stores
  • anywhere around where i am
  • living in condominiums
  • the gym
  • public swimming pools
  • counters
  • restaurant tabletops
  • luggage carousels
  • grocery store checkout belts
  • airplanes
  • long bus rides
  • wedding ceremonies
  • funerals
  • events where there is a speaker
  • the spa
  • class
  • lectures
  • book club
  • girls night
  • pool halls
  • casinos
  • beach resorts
  • tanning salon
  • hair salon

don’t be tacky.

In about me, childfree, manners, new moms on October 3, 2013 at 5:30 pm

i just saw a horrifying picture documenting a friend’s event on facebook and i realised something important – i never want to become that mom who goes to parties and brings her hors d’oeuvres in a tupperware serving container with a snap-on lid. there’s no reason that women have to cross the line from classy to practical in such a tacky way. every gathering of friends and loved ones (or, for that matter, the people you don’t care much for but maybe shouldn’t give up entirely trying to impress) deserves proper dishes – serving dishes included. don’t throw your respect for your friends out the window for the sake of convenience.

tacky tupperware

duckface.

In awkward, childfree, heh on October 2, 2013 at 3:53 pm

oh wow! has it really been nearly a year since i’ve blogged here? what can i say – things have been good. but upon grocery shopping last night, i was reminded again why i don’t want to have kids.

i know what you’re thinking.

but it wasn’t kids screaming in the aisle because their mom didn’t buy the cookies they wanted. and it wasn’t a kid pushing around a mini ‘shopper in training’ buggy, ramming everyone’s ankles. no, it was even better than that.

this girl was around 10 or 11, shopping with her mom and little sister. she was quite obviously disinterested and far too cool to be out running errands with her family. i usually ignore these kinds of families, but i noticed this girl right off the bat. i thought maybe she just had unfortunate features, until i realised she was doing duckface. like full on. on purpose. except she wasn’t in her bathroom and she wasn’t busy taking selfies.

ok, so you’re probably thinking, ‘oh, come on, bootsy. give the girl with the bad lip luck a break.’

but i know she was putting it on because she stopped doing it for a few minutes while she thought no one was looking.

and here’s where it comes back to the who kids/no kids issue:

kids do dumb stuff all the time, and as a parent you just basically have to put up with it and let them figure out for themselves if it defines them or not. but how do you deal with duckface? and not occasional, ruining a family picture here and there kind of duckface, but persistent, long-lasting, wearing through thick and thin duckface? seriously. come on.

childfree today.

In childfree on January 13, 2012 at 4:13 pm

the today show did a segment on women choosing to live childfree. before i watched it i had high hopes that it wouldn’t drag a blog post out of me but i just a couple of beefs about their reporting. watch the clip first:

  1. the canned segment they ran started out great. yes, women can choose to be childfree, yadda yadda yadda. and then the good doctor slides onto the screen and starts talking about self-doubt. as if each and every childfree woman will live with some kind of agonizing self-doubt. will she regret her choice? will she change her mind? and then they inappropriately contextualize the comments of the woman being interviewed for the clip. the fact that she feels pressure, as the oldest of her siblings, to have children, does not in any way equal having self-doubt. it sounds very clear that this woman has made her mind up and is holding steady. i hope that dr. janet taylor (as sympathetic to the cause as she’s trying to sound) is not advising any childfree women in her practice.
  2. ‘what is their authentic voice telling them? it may not be about mothering but it could be a calling that’s related to children. that could be being a teacher, social worker, congress woman, nurse practitioner, physician… there are other ways in which women can relate to children but it doesn’t necessarily mean that they have to be moms’ (sarah brokaw). or, they could embark on  a career that has nothing, whatsoever to do with children. some women simply have other interests. i’ll be straight here. i do not hate children. i am an aunt and i love the children who are in my life. but there are many other children that i really do not care to be around.

what i’m getting at here is that while some childfree women do question themselves and may even live to regret their paths, there are many more who have a deep understanding of themselves and know what will fulfill them in life. i’m afraid that the slant put on this story will only perpetuate the hurtful comments made everyday by those who just can’t wrap their heads around childfreedom.

put plain and simply? many women are just fine on their own. many women create value in their lives in other places. many women cultivate deep and lasting friendships, powerful careers and life partnerships and marriages on a much deeper level than often possible with children in the picture. many women will make responsible, sensible decisions and never regret them.

while i definitely appreciate that this topic even made it on a mainstream show like the today show, they need to get the story straight. if they put this segment on air to educate women who have children about the childfree, then they need to show childfreedom in a more positive and empowered light. for a lark, imagine an ultra-conservative christian interviewing a buddhist. imagine the interviewer trying to understand why the guest didn’t subscribe to his idea of god. and then imagine the interviewer continuing to say that the buddhist’s position is valid, because he could always celebrate the christian god in different ways than only going to church. that’s the gist i’m picking up from the producers of this story; it’s ok not to have children, because there are so many other ways to have children fulfill your life.

i’d like to know how you feel about this story. leave a comment below or find me on twitter @kidsiscrap. don’t forget to copy laura scott (@180coaching), sarah brokaw (@sarah_brokaw) and the today show (@todayshow).

offbeat mama does it again.

In childfree, manners, new moms on January 9, 2012 at 4:33 pm

reader beware: the topic of poo is not one that i like to discuss. ever. and while i know that the post i’ll discuss in this blog post was written by a mommy blogger for other moms, it’s out there for all the public to read. a friend pointed me in its direction. i have to say i’m not impressed. i actually can barely bring myself to read the whole thing. proceed with caution.

offbeat mama writes about all things motherhood. and while i’m happy that there are such forums where groups of people can commiserate, or celebrate life’s milestones, i’m sorry i happened across this one.

a lot of parents complain that the childfree like to bring up the topic of excrement far more often than parents ever do. wrong. case in point: she’s getting real: what baby poop has taught me about being a parent. while it may seem that us childfree type talk about it, it’s usually only to back up an argument or highlight our stance in the whole childfree/breeder debate. parents are the real culprits.

I’m pretty sure the reason is that my daughter’s excrement is exceptionally fascinating, exhibiting signs of brilliance and creativity in the bowel department, not disgusting and smelly like that of other babies.

the post goes on from here. it describes, in the precise detail with which i’d expect to be saved for a description of a flower’s stamen or the working parts of a motorcycle, the appearance, texture, smells and sounds of the baby’s #2s. (i promise you’ll regret clicking through. remember: you can never unread these things.)

the general gist? that she’s so proud and fascinated by each and every one of her baby’s poos. she even includes a picture of her infant daughter pooing – she’s got her ‘poo face on’. guh. overall, i don’t really get the point of posting something like this. it seems like something the writer might explore in her head, or with her doctor, and then leave it at that. the need to share every excruciating detail with the rest of the world? let me just say that if 30-something years ago my mother had a blog and i could sift through the archives as an adult, i’d be appalled by the lack of sensitivity and privacy she didn’t afford me.

here’s a tip for parents out there (and everyone else posting ridiculous stuff online): try to have a little common sense, privacy and sensitivity toward your subject. before you hit publish on your blog’s dashboard, imagine that person surrounded by their friends, peers and workmates at age 10, 20, 50… now imagine sharing what’s in your post. how would they react? how would their friends react? come on. be fair. smarten up.

ps. i almost forgot about the comments – make sure if you do click through to read said blog you scroll down to the flurry of sympathizing readers like this one:

I LOVE this! It’s good to see another mom so facinated with baby poo. My father found it rather odd that we started showing off her poops over the holiday weekend. She’s on solids now so it’s solid. It’s ridiculous just how amusing it is to me.

priceless.

In awkward, childfree on November 6, 2011 at 12:03 pm

childfree petting zoo

stop it with the names.

In awkward, childfree on November 4, 2011 at 1:07 pm

it’s come to my attention that there seems to be a new system for naming babies. it’s not good enough to flip through the old baby names book anymore. no. i’ve realised that what people actually do is find 2 names they adore and combine them into one. but isn’t this why middle names were invented? for the indecisive parents?

i’ll give you some examples:

dave + aaron = darron (not so bad, really. it’s actually a name that’s been around for years.)

but it hasn’t stopped at such rational combinations. people are getting out of control!

there are no names like jarron (james + aaron) and andrick (andrew + eric). and let’s not forget about the girls. oh those poor, unfortunate girls.

the girls most often seem to fall victim to the dreaded 3-name combos: leshandra (leslie + shannon + sandra).

i’m calling a stop to this naming numbskullery.

imagine these kids when they start school, or start dating, or meeting people at the bar…

“i’m john. what’s your name?”

“shaletra.”

“?”

“shaletra”

“like electra?”

“no, like sharon and leigh and petra.”

of course.

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