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Posts Tagged ‘new moms’

no new friend for me.

In about me, childfree, heh, lessons learned, new moms on November 3, 2013 at 5:56 am

image

i thought she was the one. my new friend who just moved to town. she’s fun, she’s funny, she likes the same things i do, except for ONE MAJOR PROBLEM. she’s pregnant.

it’s such a big time letdown. i’d had such high hopes for us together.

time and again, just when i think i’ve learned my lesson, i go and do it again. sure, I knew she wanted kids. but it won’t be for a while, i told myself. i can get a good couple of years out of her, i lied to myself.

fool me once, shame on me. fool me twice, i need to check myself. no, from here on out i’m going to be absolutely strict with my new friend policy.

must have:
– no kids.
– no interest in ever having kids.
– not chosen a career path that focuses on working with kids (i.e. teaching)

i think I’ve got it now. finally.

photo credit.

three showers too many.

In awkward, childfree, heh, new moms on October 30, 2013 at 4:06 am

i received the following email from a reader:

I’m married for 6 years, my wife and I have been together for 10 and one of the things that brought us together was the fact that we definitely do not want children and in fact go out of our way to avoid them. Your readers, I’m sure, are of the same mind as you and I so I won’t go into the specifics of exactly what makes the little buggers so loathsome.

My younger brother and his wife are about to have their first sometime in January, I think. These two are outwardly very nice and successful people, but they are very sheltered. His wife grew up wanting for nothing, and my father (who’s divorced from my mother) spoils them rotten. They have an apartment in Manhattan they couldn’t possibly afford on their own. So the arrival of their baby was, of course, greeted as nothing short of a minor miracle between the two families.

As the curmudgeonly oldest son, I’ve dealt with the family and society’s consequences of choosing to be child-free, and my wife and I are secure in our choices and recognize the good and the bad. However, we never really expected to have someone else’s child impact us as now we’re all but ignored by our family, who are all in on this thing, so much so that the mother is having three separate baby showers in two months, in three different states. Needless to say, I’ll choose one to attend and leave as early as I can.

first of all, my condolences. really. good luck. i hope you don’t have to play (or even witness) a rousing game of ‘what’s in the diaper?

second, congratulations on finding a quality lady. let me assure you, we’re few and far between…

as a proud auntie, let me promise you that the fun is just beginning with the showers. do you live near the elated couple? just wait until the babysitting requests roll in. or the birthday party invitations. or the christmas cards or the stories of baby’s first haircut, baby’s first steps, baby’s first potty… and wait’ll they offer you a chance to hold the little miracle; heaven help you if you decline!

i know the pain of being ignored in favour of the siblings with kids. they’re more fun at holidays, on the weekends, apparently all of the time. my siblings often get together for playdates and don’t even consider inviting me (it’s a mixed blessing). but it is easy to feel a little left out of the family now and then. most of the time, though, i’m thankful for the reprieve.

good luck, my friend. if nothing else, this experience will help you enjoy your sound life choices that much more…

places babies don’t belong.

In awkward, babies in adult places, childfree, manners, new moms on October 4, 2013 at 3:08 am

  • workshops
  • pubs
  • work
  • my house
  • dinner dates
  • liquor stores
  • anywhere around where i am
  • living in condominiums
  • the gym
  • public swimming pools
  • counters
  • restaurant tabletops
  • luggage carousels
  • grocery store checkout belts
  • airplanes
  • long bus rides
  • wedding ceremonies
  • funerals
  • events where there is a speaker
  • the spa
  • class
  • lectures
  • book club
  • girls night
  • pool halls
  • casinos
  • beach resorts
  • tanning salon
  • hair salon

don’t be tacky.

In about me, childfree, manners, new moms on October 3, 2013 at 5:30 pm

i just saw a horrifying picture documenting a friend’s event on facebook and i realised something important – i never want to become that mom who goes to parties and brings her hors d’oeuvres in a tupperware serving container with a snap-on lid. there’s no reason that women have to cross the line from classy to practical in such a tacky way. every gathering of friends and loved ones (or, for that matter, the people you don’t care much for but maybe shouldn’t give up entirely trying to impress) deserves proper dishes – serving dishes included. don’t throw your respect for your friends out the window for the sake of convenience.

tacky tupperware

use your inside voice.

In awkward, babies in adult places, new moms on November 28, 2012 at 5:36 am

why is it that parents (especially the new ones) always talk about 50 decibels louder than is appropriate for the environment. it borders on some kind of manic display to convince everyone around that your baby is the cutest and that this is the best decision you’ve ever made in your life and oh, you’re just oh so happy that you’ve finally discovered what real love is…

good. you’re talking to your baby. but you don’t need to talk so loudly! babies have very sensitive ears. as do some of the rest of us.

sure, it’s a pretty one-sided conversation. but you can’t be so strapped for things to say that you need to exclaim about how wet your baby’s adorable onesie is, or how full its diaper is. learn what’s appropriate in a coffee shop, ffs.

just keep it down. that’s all.

 

stuff n’ things.

In about me, babies in adult places, childfree, new moms on June 15, 2012 at 4:59 am

what is wrong with the people? has the world gone mad???

babies in restaurants, i’m sure, is a topic i’ve covered before on this blog. and if i haven’t, well, then i’m guilty of a monstrous error of omission.

don't change diapers in the restauranti know that parents always say, ‘never judge us until you’ve been through it yourself.’ i’m here to tell you today that i will never, ever, at any point in my life, feel that it’s ok to change a diaper in a restaurant, on the booth seat, on the table, or even on the floor anywhere near where food is consumed. if that’s what you want to do in the privacy of your house, fine. just don’t invite me over to eat. at what point to these perfectly respectable humans, raised by their parents and grandparents (now probably rolling over in their graves) to have grace and dignity, suddenly find themselves thinking, ‘hey – you know what? the bathroom’s too dirty for my little precious. i think i’ll change his little bumbum right here beside all of these other diners.’

stop it!!!

i’m here to tell parents to wake up:

  • your kids waste stinks to other people (even if you’re too whacked out by hormones to think so).
  • it’s not hygienic – pee is pee, poo is poo (i’m sorry for being crass here). i don’t want to come in contact with it and i certainly don’t want to develop any food-borne illness from your baby’s dung on my seat.
  • privates are private. i don’t want to watch some toddler running around my table in all his free-spirited glory. i would like to go out for a meal and enjoy the food, some scintillating conversation, and a relaxing atmosphere.
  • this goes for restaurants. but it also goes for airplanes, food courts, libraries, pretty much any public surface that isn’t going to regularly disinfected.

and another thing for the new moms.

i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again. new moms – don’t stand there and look around for praise all the time every single time your kid looks around. i see this wherever i go. the baby makes a cute noise and the mom looks at me with an expression saying, ‘oh he’s so precious – why are you cooing yet?’ because i’m not going to, that’s why. if i wanted my own warm little 9lb entertainment center i’d go and make one for myself (it’s not like it’s that hard to do).  i’m never going to be one of the crowd gathered around to see what ghastly noise is going to escape your precious one next. and on the airplane, when i’m sitting behind your new family, i certainly don’t want to star at your kid because he thinks it’s funny to play peekaboo over the top of the seat. in fact, i find it obnoxious and distracting from the work i usually love having the time to do when i’m travelling. is it so wrong to ask you to ask your kid to stop staring at me?

people come down on me all the time and say i’m a baby hater. i’m not. in fact, i probably treat babies and kids with more respect than a lot of parents ever will. you know why? because i treat them like people. with all of the rights that go along with that (right to privacy at bathroom time being one of those rights). i think that everyone deserves to be treated with dignity. i can’t even remember the last time i took a dump in the booth at mcdonalds.

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on another note, i’m back. i’ve been pining to updating this blog for so long. it’s been a busy few months with lots of changes. i hope you haven’t given up on me, or worse, thought i’d changed my mind about this childfree stuff. it’s a relief to finally be getting my rant back on. thanks for your patience!

facebook gems. part 5.

In childfree, new moms on September 14, 2011 at 2:25 pm

Thought that baby poop wasn’t supposed to smell like poop until solids were introduced.. Phew!!

aaaaand…. hide from news feed.

facebook gems. part 3.

In awkward, childfree, heh, new moms on July 14, 2011 at 7:26 pm

S__ laughed for the first today on his 12 week birthday! What a proud mommy I am today!

really? there are so many things wrong with this. where do i start.

1. i’m sorry it’s been so long since i’ve posted. but i’ve had a pint (or a few) and i’m ready to go again.

2. you’re proud? because he laughed? but isn’t that natural development of babies? so really, what you’re saying is that you’re relieved that your baby is normal? or maybe you’re proud that your baby (and you as a family) won’t have to go through the struggles that others have to endure?

3. his 12 week birthday?! good grief. puleeeeese. stop it already with the birthdays and the counting of weeks and months. your baby is a few months old. or it’s a year old. or a year and a half. leave it at that. normal people aren’t going to take the time to sit around and do the calculations while you ramble on about precious milestones or cute things he did or embarrassing situations he got you into, nor do those milestones even mean anything for regular people. seriously. stop. it. now.

facebook gems. part 1.

In childfree, heh, new moms on June 29, 2011 at 6:14 pm

i thought i’d start a new feature on my post. it’s all about people with babies on facebook.

i used to block those people from me feed as soon as the status updates about diaper rash started, or the week-by-week photos of the bare naked baby bump. but then i realised, hey! these would make beauty blog posts.

so here you go. for your reading pleasure: facebook gems. part 1 (of several i’m sure).

‘thought drive-thru banks were stupid – now with a baby in the car – they are SO convenient!!! We need drive-thru grocery stores!!’

attack of the teat.

In babies in adult places, childfree, manners, new moms on June 28, 2011 at 3:12 pm

in case you haven’t seen the headlines today, check out this beauty.

*warning – content is disturbing and involves the human equivalent of the photo below. please don’t click on the link while you’re eating dinner, or drinking a milkshake. don’t say i didn’t warn you.

cow spraying milk in protest

there are a number of points this article brings up (primarily, the insanity of new mothers) but most pressing are the questions that i don’t even know if i want the answers to. but now i can’t get them out of my head.

some  of my question include: does it just squirt out on its own? or is it like the teat above and need a little coaxing? and how far does is squirt? is it a limitless supply or is it more like a super soaker and need some refill time in between attacks?

i’m afraid to google for the answers lest i come across images that i’ll never be able to unsee.

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