where do i start with this?
are we really looking to celebrities to tell us* how to parent? or make justifications for particular decisions or actions that might be questionable? *by us i mean our childbearing friends and family. i am not included in that category.
1. toddlers can be fashionistas too
no. no they can’t. you can spend outrageous amounts of $$ to buy big name labels that they’ll be able to wear for about 3 weeks until a) they grow out of it b) it gets too stained to make any kind of fashion statement or c) it’s no longer fashionable. ballroom dancing shoes for kids? clearly i’ve already wasted my time reading this thing.
2. your calls may be recorded
referencing mel gibson and his famous rant, let this be a lesson to all those thinking about childbearing. choose your mate wisely. once you have a kid you’re stuck together for life.
3. watch your spouse (and their tapes)
what kind of lesson are we supposed to learn here? sex tapes? just don’t do it.
4. single moms kick ass
this seems to be one of those those things that becomes a mantra to single moms. i’ve yet to see a study that says raising a child in a single family home is optimal. kids need stability, role models and support. as a parent it’s your sole job to provide that. if you can’t then don’t even consider lifting up your skirt.
5. celeb kids can have careers too
that’s the spirit. look how well it turned out for tracy gold. or lindsay lohan. and what is that girl wearing???
6. accept your children for who they are
well that’s an idea. thank goodness for ‘cher’s daughter’s gender transition’. up until then i just had no idea what kind of response was appropriate. the saintly celebs light the way for the rest of us.
7. don’t stress the baby weight
the picture here is of padma lakshmi apparently with 15 pounds of baby weight. i’m not one of those girls who sits around groaning when skinny girls complain about how fat they are. i’m a skinny girl. i’m just saying, this woman looks incredible. always. let’s be real people here!
8. silly bandz aren’t just for kids
well thank goodness. why should they have all the fun? let’s all buy ridiculous animal-shaped pieces of silicon so we can throw them out in a month or two.
9. give and give and give
judging by the twitter and facebook accounts of parents i know, there’s not a whole lot left to give. good for you if you can afford a nanny so you can go traveling the world, donating your time and money to philanthropic efforts. kudos. but in the real life, how about we just settle for “i’m going to make time to see my friends once a month for the next while.”
10. breastfeeding is the buzz word
buzz buzz buzz. nobody’s stopping you. get over it.